Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes).
-Walt Whitman (1855/1959, p. 68)
Some of us have grown up with enormous challenges and/or abuses. Conversely,others have grown up in basically happy, secure environments. Still others grow up in silent homes, learning little about communication skills or how to connect in intimate relationships. The HOW of how we arrived at WHOM we are and WHAT we do with what we have become, is ultimately up to us to accept, change or stop complaining about. It makes little difference whether we are burdened with conflicts, beliefs, old wounds, defenses, roles, shadow sides or counterproductive behaviors such as; care-taking, controlling, perfectionism, judging, binge-eating, alcohol abuse and just plain old idiosyncrasies. Regardless of how we arrived at these aspects of ourselves they are now solely ours to deal with one way or another. These are PARTS of us or aspects of ourselves that often run our lives without our explicit permission. For example, a person may not want to be negative or judgmental but does so in spite of themselves, then berates themselves for having done precisely what it is that they do not want to do. WE EACH HAVE MYRIAD ASPECTS THAT MAKE UP THIS THING CALLED "A SELF"; HOWEVER, WE ARE NOT SOLELY THESE ASPECTS.
The crux of my work and the focus of the workshops are: 1). to identify and make explicit the aspects/parts of oneself that endeavor to constrain or restrict the self. 2). Demonstrate how to maintain enough internal space or differentiation from these aspects/parts so that the deeper Self or "inner conductor" can balance internal wants and needs with external expectations and life's demands.
I AM THIS ONE (WALKING BESIDE ME)…
WHOM I DO NOT SEE,
WHOM AT TIMES I MANAGE TO VISIT,
(AND) WHOM AT OTHER TIMES I FORGET…
WHO REMAINS CALM AND SILENT WHILE I TALK,
(AND) FORGIVES GENTLY WHEN I HATE…
WHO WALKS WHERE I AM NOT,
………..WHO WILL REMAIN STANDING WHEN I DIE.
JAUN RAMON JIMENEZ (from the book of poems and prose: “Light and Shadows”)
By incorporating Dr. Schwartz's model (please see next page) into action methods, in other words, demonstrating concretely how aspects of oneself seem to overwhelm and control us, participants will gain mastery over the ability to choose actions and behaviors from a profoundly more conscious or volitional place. With gentleness, compassion and humor the workshop will guide participants through a variety of life's internal and external conflicts.
INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS THERAPY S.M.
Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D.
www.Selfleadership.org
I. BASIC ASSUMPTIONS OF THE IFS MODEL
A.It is the nature of the mind to be subdivided into an indeterminate number of sub-personalities or “parts”.
B.Everyone has a Self and the Self can and should lead the individual’s internal system.
C.The Non-extreme intention of each part is something positive for the individual. There are no “bad” parts and the goal of therapy is not to eliminate parts but instead to help them find their non-extreme role.
D.As we develop, our parts develop and form a complex system of interactions among themselves- systems theory can be applied to the internal system. When the system is reorganized, parts can change rapidly.
E.Changes in the internal system will affect changes in the external system and vice versa. The implication of this assumption is that both the internal and external levels of system should be assessed.
II. OVERALL GOALS OF THERAPY
A.To achieve balance and harmony within the internal system.
B.To differentiate and elevate the Self so it can be an effective leader in the system.
C.When the Self is in the lead, the parts will provide input to the Self, but will respect the leadership and ultimate decision making of the Self.
D.All parts will exist and lend talents that reflect their non-extreme intention.
III. PARTS
A.Sub-personalities or aspects of our personality that interact internally in sequences and styles that are similar to the ways that people interact.
B.Parts may be experienced in any number of ways – thoughts, feelings, sensations.
C.All parts want something positive for the individual and will use a variety of strategies to gain influence within the internal system.
D.Parts develop a complex system of interactions among themselves - -polarizations develop as parts try to gain influence within the system.
E.While experiences affect parts, they are not created by the experiences; they are always in existence, either as potential or actuality.
F.Parts which become extreme are carrying “burdens” energies which are not inherent in the function of the part and don’t belong to the nature of the part, such as extreme beliefs, emotions, fantasies. The part can be helped to “unburden” and return to its natural balance.
G.Parts which have lost trust in the leadership of the Self will “blend” with or take over the Self.
IV. SELF
A. Different level of entity than the parts – often in the center of the “you” that the parts are talking to or that likes or dislikes, listens to or shuts out our various parts.
B. When differentiated, the Self is competent, secure, self-assured, relaxed and able to listen and respond to feedback.
C. Self can and should lead the internal system.
D. Various levels of experience of the Self:
E. When completely differentiated from all parts, Self alone, people describe a feeling of being “centered”.
F. Empowering aspect of the model is that everyone has a self.
V. GENERAL GROUP OF PARTS
A. EXILES
1. Young parts that have experienced trauma and often become isolated from the rest of the system in an effort to protect the individual from feeling the pain, terror, fear, etc. of these parts.
2). If exiled, can become increasingly extreme and desperate in an effort to be cared for and get their story told.
3). Can leave the individual feeling fragile and vulnerable.
B. MANAGERS
1. Parts that run the day-to-day life of the individual
2. Attempt to keep the individual in control of every situation and relationship in an effort to protect parts from feeling any hurt or rejection.
3. Can do this in any number of ways or through a combination of parts – striving, controlling, evaluating, caretaking, terrorizing, etc.
C. FIREFIGHTERS
1. Groups of parts that react when Exiles are activated in an effort to control and extinguish their feelings and…
2. Can do this in any number of ways including: drugs or alcohol use, Self-mutilation (cutting), binge-eating, sex binges.
3. Have same goals as managers (keep exiles away) but have different strategies.
*ENDORSEMENTS FOR DAWN'S WORKSHOPS *
Several aspects of Dawn’s workshops helped me grow; Psychodrama, the Internal Family System (IFS) and Dawn’s knowledge and expertise. Psychodrama work, whether I participate or witness, affects me emotionally and assists growth. The IFS helped me identify, visualize, and work with parts to understand origin, purpose, and modify response to triggers. Though still work in progress, I have matured, experience more serenity, and am blessed with better relationships. Several aspects of Dawn’s workshops helped me grow; Psychodrama, the Internal Family System (IFS) and Dawn’s knowledge and expertise. Psychodrama work, whether I participate or witness, affects me emotionally and assists growth. The IFS helped me identify, visualize, and work with parts to understand origin, purpose, and modify response to triggers. Though still work in progress, I have matured, experience more serenity, and am blessed with better relationships.
~ Bill ~
Dawn is a gifted spiritual leader and therapist. Her unique technique of combining the Internal Family System model with action methods allowed me to understand myself in a gentle and profoundly effective way. I was able to change aspects of my self that were counter productive to living a full and joyful life. I am quit certain that Dawn saved my marriage without ever having met my husband.
~ Debra ~
The Internal Family System (IFS) model has proven very effective in helping us identify parts in ourselves that stem from our upbringing. It continues to astound us how our issues often relate back to the way we were parented as children. Identifying and working through some of these issues has allowed us, both as individuals and as a couple, to deal with our problems in a more mature and constructive fashion. Our marriage has really benefited from our work with Dawn.
Dawn presents the materials in a supportive and non threatening way. Even if you are not in a place to do your own work, you can benefit tremendously by observing the work done by others. We strongly recommend Dawn’s workshops as a way to improve your emotional well being and build better relationships.
~ Paul & Sheri Stutesman ~