Beyond The Parts ~ Articles For Your Consideration

[1] Self-Leadership While Dealing With Renegade Cancer Cells/ A Personal Story Of Creative Visualization

It is with deep appreciation to Dick Schwartz for his development of the Internal Family Systems model that I submit this article. I will briefly outline the basic tenants of the IFS model. First and foremost is his belief that every human being has an essential Self that knows how to guide the individual with compassionate wisdom when not overwhelmed by parts that manifest as conflicting thoughts, beliefs and feelings that may evoke vulnerabilities and internal turmoil. Dr. Schwartz speaks of three general groups.

Managers, (roles) that run our everyday lives, these parts endeavor to keep the individual in control of every situation and relationship to “save face” so to speak. Firefighters, these parts take over when vulnerable feelings threaten to surface or to flood the individual with feelings. Common firefighter behaviors can be over-eating or drinking, defenses such as dissociation or hurting oneself, any reaction or behavior that attempts to calm down internal feelings. Exiles, vulnerable parts or old wounds that are trying to protect themselves and/or the entire self-system from further wounding such as being seen as weak or needy.

As synchronicity would have it, I was in the middle of the Seattle IFS advanced training (2003-2004) program when diagnosed with breast cancer. The diagnosis was scary enough but nothing compared to the terrifying recommendations of a lumpectomy, a mastectomy followed by chemotherapy treatments. These treatments are administered via a port that would be surgically inserted under the skin in my chest topped off by a seven week daily course of radiation. It seemed at first, that nothing in my spiritual experience prepared me for this ominous journey. Moreover, childhood parts that had been physically and sexually abused were threatening to overwhelm my entire system just thinking about the protracted treatment process.

The exiled parts (wounded parts) that experienced the early abuse have had many opportunities over the years to unburden via telling their stories, retrieving parts through psychodrama and being witnessed. These parts, for the most part, have developed a trusting and cooperative relationship with the overall internal family system. Because my self system no longer experiences flash backs, intrusive thoughts of the early abuse, dissociative episodes, unwarranted shame and guilt or continuously drain emotional energy from me, I was unprepared for the force with which an exile part or parts threatened to overwhelm the Self and other parts by situations that approximated earlier feeling states.

For example, as a very young child, I was often locked in a tiny room for long periods of time, which frequently culminated in physical abuse. So, when I underwent a type of nuclear bone scan (how scary does that sound) I was flooded with familiar anxiety and fear. Placed into a tube-like machine, physically restrained and unable to move my body or arms, I could feel the panic rise in my throat. Instead of dissociating, as I would have done in the past, I began to cry. The technician actually stopped the machine and asked why I was crying (this whole episode happened in about 30 seconds). I KNEW that he could not comfort me and that it was up to me to calm myself down. I thanked him for his concern and asked him to please give me a minute. I was able to gently remind the terrified parts of myelf that I was strong, tall (just kidding) and able to keep us safe. I could feel the warmth begin to pour through me as fearful parts slowly started to relax with assurance that they were safe and not alone.

In the past these exile parts would have been polarized with managing parts that would aggressively restrict all feelings and body sensations believing them to be dangerous to the entire system. Moreover, I felt disgusted with these parts for being weak and acting stupid or for needing anything. As a result, I have struggled with several reactive and addictive firefighting parts. While manager parts would constrict feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations, firefighter parts would defend the internal system by dissociating. Consequently, every single experience that I have “gotten through” by restricting myself or dissociating has ultimately resulted in feelings of shame and guilt for the inability to act vs. react. By restricting myself so tightly, I was unable to respond to a new situation from a position of creativity or spontaneity. Who would have thought that a scary bone scan procedure that elicited tears would ultimately leave me with feelings of satisfaction and well being? I understood at a deep level that as long as my internal family system is working together we are a unifying force that can deal with life on life’s terms.

What a tribute to the IFS model that throughout the long treatment process, concurrent with tremendous feelings of fear, I was simultaneously blessed with a type of “inner knowingness”. While I very much wanted to live, I was also at peace with death. I KNEW that a much larger connectedness prevailed. At times, I had profound feelings of gratitude, clarity and compassion for everyone around me. It was as if I fell in love with all of them, including strangers, as I watched both their personal struggles and their endeavors to support me through my process.

The following is another example of how Self intervened with a compassionate and creative solution to fears of the impending chemotherapy treatments. Scared parts wondered how to incorporate the recommended visualization without “blowing up” the “evil” cancer cells. Guidance came in the form of a dream the evening before the first treatment.

THE DREAM

She began her journey to the hospital as she climbed into the small red car. She was startled to see hundreds of starfish-like creatures. They displayed exquisitely vivid multi colors. They were friendly, cheerful and fun albeit noisy as they were all trying to communicate at once, each wanting her to know them. The woman felt overwhelming compassion for these odd, beautiful little creatures. They made her laugh. She beseeched the driver not to move the car until she could get the little ones to safety. They were everywhere. They were on the seats, under the seats, in the glove compartment, hanging on the inside and outside of the doors. They were even under the tires. They had no idea of their impending danger. They would be smashed to bits if the driver moved the car. The woman felt deeply connected to these curious little creatures and intuitively knew that they meant no harm. They were simply and totally self-absorbed in the maintenance of their own life force. The woman awoke feeling strong and refreshed.

When I awoke, I pondered the nature of cells and recalled reading somewhere that cells are the building blocks of the body. In fact there are some 50 trillion, give or take, a million here and there. Inherent in the life of a cell is an intricate process known as cell division. It is somewhere within the cycle of cell division that a cancer cell runs riot. The precise precipitation of a breast cancer cell (always present in the body) to proceed to both MUTATION and INVASION of neighboring cells remains a mystery to be solved by the medical/scientific profession. All possible heretofore explanations aside, we now have a cell with a behavioral problem. A cell that does not play well with others, in fact, mutating into a type of aggressive gang member mentality that rapidly MUTATES and CLONES itself into more gang members Their adventures eventually lead to invasion of neighboring turfs.

Part of this “gang” mentality is to ignore all of the normal, agreed upon social rules which govern their old communities of cells. They totally disregard cooperation and how a “community” should be formed and maintained for the highest good of the entire system. They do not understand the impact of their choices on neighboring cells. Dr. Lewis Thomas says that “Disease usually results from inconclusive negotiations for symbiosis, an overstepping of the line by one side or the other, a biologic misinterpretation of borders”. (pg. 76. The Lives of a Cell). I was struck by the similarities of the invading cancer cells and some of the impulsive and often frantic nature of firefighter parts when they reach their reactive and destructive states.

At the hospital the next day, as the nurse prepared to administer the medication through the catheter-type device, I visualized angels standing just to the right of me. They were holding large soft nets made of silk. I explained to the beautiful starfish like creatures that they were in great danger of being killed by incoming chemicals and they had to leave my body at once. I would mentally show them the way out of my body into the loving arms of awaiting angels.

Dawn Novotny LMSW, MTS, CDP, is a breast cancer survivor. She is a psychotherapist in private practice. She specializes in groups and workshops using a combination of Internal Family Systems therapy and psychodrama techniques. Central to her work is the belief that “The soul among all creatures is generative like God is.” Meister Eckhart. 6/15/2006.

Internal Family Systems Therapy. Dr. Richard C. Schwartz Ph.D The Lives of a Cell. Dr. Lewis Thomas MD Dawn D. Novotny LMSW, MTS, CDP

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dawn_Novotny

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	Articles For Your Consideration: written by Dawn Novotny
The following articles came from an "online magazine" called Ezinearticles.com. Click on their titles to view them here.
1 • Self-Leadership While Dealing With Renegade Cancer Cells/ A Personal Story Of Creative Visualization
2 • Cancer: Meeting The Unwelcomed Guest
3 • An Angel Amidst the Hats
4 • "No-Breast" Bobbles AKA Boobbles
5 • He Had My Back Covered
[1] Self-Leadership While Dealing With Renegade Cancer Cells/ A Personal Story Of Creative Visualization It is with deep appreciation to Dick Schwartz for his development of the Internal Family Systems model that I submit this article. I will briefly outline the basic tenants of the IFS model. First and foremost is his belief that every human being has an essential Self that knows how to guide the individual with compassionate wisdom when not overwhelmed by parts that manifest as conflicting thoughts, beliefs and feelings that may evoke vulnerabilities and internal turmoil. Dr. Schwartz speaks of three general groups. Managers, (roles) that run our everyday lives, these parts endeavor to keep the individual in control of every situation and relationship to “save face” so to speak. Firefighters, these parts take over when vulnerable feelings threaten to surface or to flood the individual with feelings. Common firefighter behaviors can be over-eating or drinking, defenses such as dissociation or hurting oneself, any reaction or behavior that attempts to calm down internal feelings. Exiles, vulnerable parts or old wounds that are trying to protect themselves and/or the entire self-system from further wounding such as being seen as weak or needy. As synchronicity would have it, I was in the middle of the Seattle IFS advanced training (2003-2004) program when diagnosed with breast cancer. The diagnosis was scary enough but nothing compared to the terrifying recommendations of a lumpectomy, a mastectomy followed by chemotherapy treatments. These treatments are administered via a port that would be surgically inserted under the skin in my chest topped off by a seven week daily course of radiation. It seemed at first, that nothing in my spiritual experience prepared me for this ominous journey. Moreover, childhood parts that had been physically and sexually abused were threatening to overwhelm my entire system just thinking about the protracted treatment process. The exiled parts (wounded parts) that experienced the early abuse have had many opportunities over the years to unburden via telling their stories, retrieving parts through psychodrama and being witnessed. These parts, for the most part, have developed a trusting and cooperative relationship with the overall internal family system. Because my self system no longer experiences flash backs, intrusive thoughts of the early abuse, dissociative episodes, unwarranted shame and guilt or continuously drain emotional energy from me, I was unprepared for the force with which an exile part or parts threatened to overwhelm the Self and other parts by situations that approximated earlier feeling states. For example, as a very young child, I was often locked in a tiny room for long periods of time, which frequently culminated in physical abuse. So, when I underwent a type of nuclear bone scan (how scary does that sound) I was flooded with familiar anxiety and fear. Placed into a tube-like machine, physically restrained and unable to move my body or arms, I could feel the panic rise in my throat. Instead of dissociating, as I would have done in the past, I began to cry. The technician actually stopped the machine and asked why I was crying (this whole episode happened in about 30 seconds). I KNEW that he could not comfort me and that it was up to me to calm myself down. I thanked him for his concern and asked him to please give me a minute. I was able to gently remind the terrified parts of myelf that I was strong, tall (just kidding) and able to keep us safe. I could feel the warmth begin to pour through me as fearful parts slowly started to relax with assurance that they were safe and not alone. In the past these exile parts would have been polarized with managing parts that would aggressively restrict all feelings and body sensations believing them to be dangerous to the entire system. Moreover, I felt disgusted with these parts for being weak and acting stupid or for needing anything. As a result, I have struggled with several reactive and addictive firefighting parts. While manager parts would constrict feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations, firefighter parts would defend the internal system by dissociating. Consequently, every single experience that I have “gotten through” by restricting myself or dissociating has ultimately resulted in feelings of shame and guilt for the inability to act vs. react. By restricting myself so tightly, I was unable to respond to a new situation from a position of creativity or spontaneity. Who would have thought that a scary bone scan procedure that elicited tears would ultimately leave me with feelings of satisfaction and well being? I understood at a deep level that as long as my internal family system is working together we are a unifying force that can deal with life on life’s terms. What a tribute to the IFS model that throughout the long treatment process, concurrent with tremendous feelings of fear, I was simultaneously blessed with a type of “inner knowingness”. While I very much wanted to live, I was also at peace with death. I KNEW that a much larger connectedness prevailed. At times, I had profound feelings of gratitude, clarity and compassion for everyone around me. It was as if I fell in love with all of them, including strangers, as I watched both their personal struggles and their endeavors to support me through my process. The following is another example of how Self intervened with a compassionate and creative solution to fears of the impending chemotherapy treatments. Scared parts wondered how to incorporate the recommended visualization without “blowing up” the “evil” cancer cells. Guidance came in the form of a dream the evening before the first treatment. THE DREAM She began her journey to the hospital as she climbed into the small red car. She was startled to see hundreds of starfish-like creatures. They displayed exquisitely vivid multi colors. They were friendly, cheerful and fun albeit noisy as they were all trying to communicate at once, each wanting her to know them. The woman felt overwhelming compassion for these odd, beautiful little creatures. They made her laugh. She beseeched the driver not to move the car until she could get the little ones to safety. They were everywhere. They were on the seats, under the seats, in the glove compartment, hanging on the inside and outside of the doors. They were even under the tires. They had no idea of their impending danger. They would be smashed to bits if the driver moved the car. The woman felt deeply connected to these curious little creatures and intuitively knew that they meant no harm. They were simply and totally self-absorbed in the maintenance of their own life force. The woman awoke feeling strong and refreshed. When I awoke, I pondered the nature of cells and recalled reading somewhere that cells are the building blocks of the body. In fact there are some 50 trillion, give or take, a million here and there. Inherent in the life of a cell is an intricate process known as cell division. It is somewhere within the cycle of cell division that a cancer cell runs riot. The precise precipitation of a breast cancer cell (always present in the body) to proceed to both MUTATION and INVASION of neighboring cells remains a mystery to be solved by the medical/scientific profession. All possible heretofore explanations aside, we now have a cell with a behavioral problem. A cell that does not play well with others, in fact, mutating into a type of aggressive gang member mentality that rapidly MUTATES and CLONES itself into more gang members Their adventures eventually lead to invasion of neighboring turfs. Part of this “gang” mentality is to ignore all of the normal, agreed upon social rules which govern their old communities of cells. They totally disregard cooperation and how a “community” should be formed and maintained for the highest good of the entire system. They do not understand the impact of their choices on neighboring cells. Dr. Lewis Thomas says that “Disease usually results from inconclusive negotiations for symbiosis, an overstepping of the line by one side or the other, a biologic misinterpretation of borders”. (pg. 76. The Lives of a Cell). I was struck by the similarities of the invading cancer cells and some of the impulsive and often frantic nature of firefighter parts when they reach their reactive and destructive states. At the hospital the next day, as the nurse prepared to administer the medication through the catheter-type device, I visualized angels standing just to the right of me. They were holding large soft nets made of silk. I explained to the beautiful starfish like creatures that they were in great danger of being killed by incoming chemicals and they had to leave my body at once. I would mentally show them the way out of my body into the loving arms of awaiting angels. Dawn Novotny LMSW, MTS, CDP, is a breast cancer survivor. She is a psychotherapist in private practice. She specializes in groups and workshops using a combination of Internal Family Systems therapy and psychodrama techniques. Central to her work is the belief that “The soul among all creatures is generative like God is.” Meister Eckhart. 6/15/2006. Internal Family Systems Therapy. Dr. Richard C. Schwartz Ph.D The Lives of a Cell. Dr. Lewis Thomas MD Dawn D. Novotny LMSW, MTS, CDP Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dawn_Novotny [Back to the Top]
[2] Cancer: Meeting The Unwelcomed Guest Even while protesting loudly the envision of cancer cells, it is imperative that one create a sacred place within themselves to reflect, discern, challenge, reject, greave, rage, weep and ultimately meet the antagonist. By no means should this suggestion be taken as resignation or acceptance of the invasive cancer cells, but rather, an acknowledgment of an unwelcome guest in our midst. Only then, in a place of calm can we regain our strength and strategize our course of action. What we resist persist. Resisting anything not only keeps it present but may make it primary over healing. Meet the opponent (cancer cells) just long enough to ask what they want; remembering at all times that cancer is NOT personal to any one individual. The wayward cells simply want a place to thrive. Dr. Lewis Thomas says “Disease usually results from inconclusive negotiations for symbiosis, and overstepping of the line by one side or the other, a biologic misinterpretation of borders”. The Lives of a Cell. (Pg.76) Let the cancer cells know that you bless them on their journey but they are absolutely NOT welcome in your body. A breast cancer diagnoses is not necessarily a death sentence and can truly be an opportunity in disguise. The breaking open of a profound occasion to do soul work. Seek to uncover the soul treasures that will enviably be gained if one has the eyes to see and the ears to hear. Following are some suggestions to forward the journey: 1).What will be the effect of cancer on my Emotional well being? Journal, Journal, Journal. Find out if you are feeling depressed, rageful, singled out, victimized, self-pitting, sinful, shameful, a burden, unfeminine, mutilated, terrified, unworthy or feeling punished by God. ALL feelings are welcome but they need to be acknowledged and honored. Work with these thoughts, feelings, and beliefs because they comprise the pathways to our soul work. 2).What will the effects of cancer be on my Spiritual Life? A cancer diagnoses can create a spiritual crisis. Feeling abandoned by God, rejected or even punished. This may evoke anger and/or shake the foundation of a previously strong and unquestionable faith. Listen, I have had to put down a precious 8 month old cat with a cancer tumor. I am certain God was not angry at that cat. Cancer is not personal. One does not get cancer to be taught a lesson or for purposes of punishment. However, now that the challenge has presented itself to deal with, a dark night of the soul, if you will, then use this experience for personal growth. Ask the God of your understanding what He/She/It would have you learn from this experience? I promise you that your spirit will soar in ways that you could never have imagined. 3).What will be the effects of cancer on my Physical health? Exercise no matter what. If this is difficult for you during chemotherapy due to low energy, at the very least, get a step meter and increase the amount of your steps every day if only walking around the house or to the mail box and back. Swimming kept my arm from atrophying in a permanent rounded position after the mastectomy. Because of swimming I am left with perfect range of motion. I did this throughout my radiation treatments at a public pool. I never once got sick despite my desperately low white blood count. 4).What will be the effect of cancer on my Body Image? I bought cute hats, scarves and wigs prior to losing my hair. After the surgery you may have many options presented for reconstruction, or chose not to as I did. Nevertheless, I adore sexy bras and low cut shirts’ which I can still wear and which continue to give the appearance of cleavage. There are lots of options after a mastectomy. 5). What will be the effect of cancer on my diet? There are excellent books that will guide you to a healthier way of eating that feels right to you. One such book is Food as Medicine. (Mary Tagliaferri, M.D. L.A.c.) I have heard that cancer cells love fat and sugar. I do know that food is our body's source of fuel so it behooves us to become more conscientious and monitor the quality of that source. However, I am not a doctor so seek out the experts. While working within the medical model of treatment I also sought guidance from a naturopath that supported my treatment with very specific Vitamins. 6).What will be the effect of cancer on my Social Life? Cancer diagnoses and the protracted treatment process is a vulnerable and tender period in our life. Consider carefully who you chose to have walk with you during your treatment process. I struggled with several aggressive people who wanted to make me their project. That did not feel like it was about me but rather about them. Other well meaning people would call sobbing about their fears for me. I often felt that I had to comfort them which was exhausting. I needed every bit of energy for myself. Control your bounders well by saying things like “thanks for calling but I do not have the energy for talking at this time”. Also, people truly wanted to be giving and find some way to help me so I asked to be mailed greeting cards. 7). What will be the effect of cancer on my spare time or Hobbies? I once attended a conference on neuroscience. The keynote speaker talked about the imperativeness of doing the simple things that we love doing. She emphasized that she was not talking about soul searching, follow your bliss kind of career choices but rather simple things like planting flowers or number painting. Her point was that there are parts of our brain that continue to grow new pathways but will follow the path of depression just as easily as a path of joy. What a wonderful time to put together those old photo albums, stamp collections or sewing projects. I picked up my harmonica again. USE YOUR MIND AND BODY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. 8).What will be the effect of cancer on my financial situation? Do you have insurance, a church group that would be willing to help with finances? Ask for any suggestion from your treatment team as there are some alternative monies available. I was extremely pro-active in all areas of my treatment which tended to be supportive of my mental and emotional well being. Advocate for yourself. Try calling Patient Advocate Foundation, 800-532-5274. This organization serves as an active liaison between patient and insurer, employer, and/or creditors to resolve insurance, job discrimination, and/or debt crisis matters to help patients maintain access to care, etc. It can also help direct you to a case manager for possible financial assistance in your area. 9).What will the effects of cancer be on my Partner, children, extended family? There are some excellent FREE step by step booklets at cancer centers on how to help family members through your treatment process. Also, ask for help. Find out who would be willing to bring dinner on certain nights, who would be willing to drive you to your treatments and doctor appointments? This is no time for self-indulgent rugged individualism. If asking for help is difficult for you then perhaps that is one of your personal growth areas. This is what I mean by using every emotion and belief that presents itself to you as an opportunity for personal growth. ©20006 Dawn.Novotny. LMSW, MTS [Back to the Top]
[3] An Angel Amidst the Hats With a heavy heart I left my favorite lingerer store, Victory’s Secret. It slowly sank in that I would never again be able to wear their lovely bras. On that gloomy day I could not have foreseen that approximately one year later I would submit a proposal suggesting some innovative ways, or at least I thought so, to create fun, colorful, sexy bras designed especially for older women minus one breast. Victoria Secret declined my proposal; nevertheless it was fun dreaming about those pretty bras. Downcast, I walked toward Macy’s department store to have a look at their hats. I pondered my apparent lack of emotions since my cancer diagnoses. Not one tear had fallen since I had received my initial cancer diagnoses; not before or after the lumpectomy nor the second diagnoses. Additional cancer was found during the lumpectomy and a mastectomy was highly recommended. First, there would be a series of additional scary sounding tests, followed by the implantation of a portacath. A devise surgically inserted under the skin of my chest to accommodate the chemotherapy infusion treatments. Following these procedures were chemotherapy infusions and thirty six radiation treatments. So on this day, endeavoring to distract myself from a life relegated to the ugly bra syndrome, I experienced a brief but delightful encounter with a perfect stranger. Trying on the tenth hat, I heard a very soft voice say, “Why you look beautiful in that hat.” To my astonishment I found myself blubbering that in a few weeks I would be totally bald. Without a moment’s hesitation she stepped close to me and pulled me into her arms. I broke down and sobbed tears that evidently were waiting for just the right moment and just the right arms. Looking back on the experience, I am quite sure that she was an angel strategically planted. Copyright©2006 Dawn D. Novotny LMSW [Back to the Top]
[4] • "No-Breast" Bobbles AKA Boobbles Talking with friends one day shortly after my mastectomy, I was explaining how swimming was helping the range of motion in my having been compromised by the surgery excision. All of a sudden and with great sincerity a women said to me, “How do you swim with only one breast”? Knowing full well what she meant I chose to tease her by responding, “Well, I just swim with the one that I have left”. What she was really asking was; how do you fill out the other side of your bathing suit with a missing breast? What a great question, one that is not easily answerable. After a mastectomy and prosthesis, one is faced with several new challenges. For example, “everyday” prosthesis’s range from $250.00 to $500.00 and are not pool friendly. Evidently, the pool chemicals would destroy the “breast”. I spent another $100.00 to buy a pool friendly “breast”. That would have been irritating enough but that that sucker must weigh ten pounds. Then, to add insult to injury, imagine how weird it looks when floating on my back. As nature takes its course with my own-god-given-still-attached breast, which only s-e-e-m-e-s to disappear when I am lazily floating on my back, the new chemically friendly boob sticks straight up for the entire world to see. To say that I looked lopsided while floating on my back would be an understatement. Consequently, I am currently learning the unique art of face down floating. While I am in training for that feat, I thought that I would share a much simpler solution with those of you who understand the ironies of this situation. There is a product called Water Push Up Pads, costing approximately $5.56 for a package of two and can be purchased at local stores such as K-Mart or Wal-Mart. They come in sizes A-B or B-C. If they are not large enough for your breast size, simply turn one A-B or B-C facing up and one facing down then stitch them together and viola you have a “no-breast” bobble or bobble (Boob + Bobble). These are inexpensive, long lasting and chemically friendly. They may also be purchased in any city should you forget your boob while away from home. These inserts look much more natural in a swim suite than does the expensive, hard to find, strange looking ten pounder. It is not the mastectomy that is problematic after a while; it’s the lack of “no breast bobbles” information. Oh yes, and please do not attempt the floating face down exercise, it scares the life guards. ©2006 Dawn Novotny Dawn DeLisa Novotny LMSW, MTS [Back to the Top]
[5] • He Had My Back Covered The clock read 7:20 AM. I was relieved to see that Mike, the radiation therapist, was already preparing the radiation room. Averting my eyes from the large red letters that read “DANGER- DO NOT ENTER”, as I made my way through the huge ominous door. Shuddering, I headed for the cold steel table upon which I was instructed to lie perfectly still so that the radiation therapist could line up the diagnostic x-ray machine with the tiny permanent ink dots that previously tattooed on my chest. This process allows for more precision in the delivery of the radiation causing less damage to the surrounding healthy tissue. Mike emitted a quiet, competent strength. He was humorous and attentive. I would not have called him sensitive in the beginning but as time went on, I learned that he did not miss a thing. He could not have known that I failed four years of high school PE because I would not undress for showers. Nor could he have known that at age seven I elected to have the entire series of rabbi shots administered in my back vs. the normal route of the stomach since bearing my stomach elicited intolerable feelings of vulnerability. Like radar, Mike sensed my fear. Actually, I was so scared during the treatments that I was grateful not to drool. So it was that when the right side of my chest was exposed, it felt exactly like the right side of my back when exposed as both areas are as flat as a pancake. Conversely, when the left side of my chest became inadvertently exposed, I would instantly feel embarrassed, vulnerable and sometimes even ashamed. Most of the technicians’ would endeavor to replace the cover when it fell from the right breast. After awhile it became a tedious task and they were trying to get their job done as efficiently as possible because their waiting room was filled with weary women wearing but a thin hospital gowns patiently waiting their turn to proceed through the “DANGER DO NOT ENTER” room. I never understood how it happened but by some mysterious cue, if my breast became exposed, Mike was back in the room as if he had some good reason to be there. He would nonchalantly put the cover back on my exposed breast. Once again my “back” was covered, my childhood monsters were soothed and I could breathe again. As quick as Mike appeared he would disappear closing behind him the door that read “DANGER DO NOT ENTER”. Of all the ways and means of extending appreciation and gratitude, thanking someone for keeping those intangible feelings of vulnerability and dignity intact, is among the most difficult to express. Nevertheless, in my book he exemplifies the very essence of professionalism and compassion effortlessly and without even a hint of solicitation of praise. Thank You, Mr. Mike and the entire staff at Olympic Medical Cancer Center. Dawn DeLisa Novotny LMSW, MTS ©2006 Dawn Novotny [Back to the Top]
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